When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. But, in order to make a legitimate glass of lemonade (any amount, really), lemons alone are wholly insufficient. What, are you just going to squeeze out the juice? You may as well just suck it, gettin' all Stonewall Jackson up in here. General S.J. was a bro. He was like Robert E. Lee-class genius. Such a bro. A secessionist bro, but you get him, his best bud Lee, Alexander the Great, and Sun Tzu in a room and watch world domination happen in a matter of hours. What was I talking about, again? Oh yeah, lemons.
No, you're gonna need, like, sugar and water at least. And have you ever tried mixing sugar, water, and lemons together? That is NOT lemonade. The last you probably made lemonade, it was probably with some strange magical powder from the grocery story (And I'm telling you, that pink is not natural.) So in addition to life giving you lemons, water, sugar, the necessary preservatives to make a typical glass of lemonade, you'd also need the necessary mixing implements. A blender, or at the very least, a toothpick to swirl it around with. And then, of course, you need a cup to put it in. Where else are you going to make it, in your mouth?
No way, life's not going to give any of that. Life's a jerk; a cruel, heartless controller who gives you citrus for no other purpose than to laugh at your inability to transcribe it into a more presentable, palette-friendly state.
When life gives you lemons, you have no other choice but to suck 'em. Like Stonewall Jackson. And then you can take over the world!
Or at least the Union. Damn Yanks!
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